.:[ Wednesday, June 30, 2004 ]:.

---

hmmmm.... and so.. i got myself thinking again.

just random thoughts. questions. ..and sighs.

some affect you more than others, some don't even make sense.

some you keep to yourself, and some... you share with friends.

.text exchange between chely and moi.

me: hmm..had a thought. you think it's okay that friends demand things,whatever, time,etc. from each other? Or hindi, kasi "friends 'lang'" kaya wala kang "right" to demand? Kaya mas mataas tolerance at patience sa mga mistakes,annoying gawain ng friend kasi "friend 'LanG'" e. Parang.. wala kang "right" or "hawak," hold sa taong yun? Ah... could that be one of the reasons why friendships are funner, more relaxed, bring less problems and fights, and are less complicated? Or could it be more complicated, but we just don't really dig for the sake of not ruining a working equation? What makes us think we have a hold on any person for that matter?.. hmmm..i'm blagging. Just thoughts. :) roaming around again.

chely: sama ko sayo umikot!:) k lang? ..i think.. wala naman talaga tayong hold on any person. real hold. kasi.. you're right, how do we say na meron? unless sabihin ko, "uy,you have authority over me.".. parang ang wacky. i think we start to lose patience when we take our family/ friends for granted. pero more sa family kasi alam natin na never silang mawawala satin. unlike sa friends, may takot tayo na pag na-offend sila, may possibility na "F.O".. the end na. pero mali yun. diba? wala lang.

me: yeah, wala naman talagang hold. it's more of an unspoken mutual agreement. Like, i can demand time from you, and you can demand time from me. Meron ba nun between friends? Not so, right?

chely: or out of love.. that it's but out of love that you commit to yourself that you give time to the other, though not vocally or at all demanded. pero oo nga, wala mashado. Unless feeling. :) .. or baka dahil nahihiya .. kasi nga baka isipin, "feeling naman.."

me: But then... why not? If you treat each other like family, and you're super secure na walang F.O., F.O. na mangyayari. E di mas di-deepen pa yung friendship.

chely: maybe kasi (aside from yung kunyare, twice a week KELANGAN magsama) there's something with knowing na, di kelangan, pero ginawan ng paraan that feeds the friendship. initiative ba..

me: ermm..K. Mejo magulo yung last text mo, pero.. k lang. :) wala, nag-iisip lang kasi.:) just a thought on how one establishes, when one can say, that he/she is closer to me, than him/her. wala .

hmm... what made me think this up and what brought me to these questions, i'm not quite sure (and maybe, i just don't want to say).. but.. it's not that i compare my relationships, friendships. i don't. they're all different. with different degrees of closeness and importance to me as they play different roles in my warped up yet optimistic world and fatalistic psychosis. they're all different. but all important. super. like i value with all the powers vested in me. i swear to God.

just thinking here. how.. when.. why....

hmmm...

what complicates relationships? relationships - pertaining to all sorts.. mother-daughter, mother-son, father-son, father-daughter, sister-brother, boyfriend-girlfriend, bestfriends, etc, etc, etc. And does having that unspoken mutual agreement of "time demanding (errands, favors,etc,etc)" in your relationship makes it a closer one? does that make that person closer to you?? - well, does it?? -

do these unspoken "demanding" mutual agreements cause eventual fights? (for when is a 'demand' okay, and when is it too much? when is it acceptable, and when is it abusive? when is it sincere? and when is it work? aahhh...)

Then..

Are fights inevitable?

do fights bring people, relationships closer toghether? (i think so, if you end-up patching things up. -> IF.) But then, why fight over something and risk losing that person (IF things don't work out), when you can seriously just TALK about it? talk AND LISTEN. (for sometimes,it's better not to talk.) and not even needing to reach the point where you're "fighting." Brings you closer even faster, right? coz you don't even need to get nasty with each other.. - or am i hoping for too much? ..hmm.... i think not. you can never hope enough. (and let's all just die together!! joke. nah... i think i'd rather die knowing that i hoped, aspired and lived for the best, than knowing that i settled for something less of what i wanted.) -


why then do people complicate relationships?

inevitability??? (geesh, sometimes, i just really don't like that word and way of thinking. "inevitable." it's just as if you have NO control of your life and like things just seem to be popping right infront of your eyes. they don't you know. there are always actions consequencing to our present situations. plus we always have a choice. ALWAYS. ofcourse, the sun rising in the east,bla bla bla bla.. that's inevitable. but i mean, with the way we live our lives... that's all up to us. right?? right. i don't think anything is inevitable. we always can change directions anytime.)


Ah... SO why do people complicate things?

It's an art we have mastered but shouldn't have had. I think.

We people somehow indulge ourselves.. minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and even years.. in complicating our lives a day at a time. choice after choice. worry after worry. word after word. thought after thought.

We have become prisoners of our own fate. victims of our own doings.

The sad part is... (sometimes, more often than not) we are aware of it.

And are just dead helpless deep inside as we bash-up our heads onto the walls trying to figure out "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?!?!" "WHY IN THE WORLD AM I IN THIS SHIT?!?!!" "HOW DID I GET HERE??" .. "WHERE AM I GOING?"

yeah?

yeah.

and so....

we think. and think.

and think.

and think.

as to i.. i pray.

i pray. i pray.

and i pray.


And all i can say is,

sometimes

questions have no answers.


and i have none.


only God holds them all. and i constantly pray that He help me see what He wants me to see. ..And that i hopefully do. ..


thus, i ask you.

perhaps you have answers to questions i ask.

or... perhaps i just wish to bang-up yer minds a little (just like i've done with mine) for you to make questions of your own. - so kill me. ha! -

but nevertheless, patience is a virtue. i know. i need to learn more about it. and we all gotta have it. Pray hard for it.

coz like i said, sometimes,


questions have no answers.


or .. questions ALWAYS have answers.

we just don't listen.

......




hmmm...


makes me think and ask some more.



aaah...


:)



life.






"i am a walking contradiction."




-blabbing brought to you by dengster.com- at 2:55 AM |

---

.:[ Sunday, June 27, 2004 ]:.

---

God gives me strength.

He gives me clarity.

Thank you..

For the second time in a row, i cried in church. (actually it's been like that lately. nice nga e.:)) Just tears forming up every now and then.. as i give thanks, and remember how beautiful just everything and everyone is. boom! ..yeah.. I just feel so inspired everytime. It's just so beautiful.. the world. God. God's love. His greatness. Sobrang amazing. overoveroveroverwhelming. Like i try to suck it all in but i can't.. it's just too great. and i end up in tears. happy tears. :)

lovely. :) inspiring.

nice view eh..

smile!!!

He is watching. :)

I pray for everyone to be okay.

REally. I do.

~o~

My family and i had our usual Sunday lunch-outs at Shangri-la this afternoon. Right straight after mass. Then i just felt the sudden need to say thank you. Being in such a good mood. wala lang, just say thank you to people.:) (masaya! subukan niyo!) Anyway, as i was holding my mom's hand - her beautiful soft warm hands - walking at the 5th floor parking lot hub, i brought the back of her hand to my lips and kissed it. And i said, "thanks, maych." Then my mom said, "for what?" I answered, "for everything." And she said, "you're welcome." :) ...And that just felt so nice. SO NICE. i feel like crying again. anubeh. hihi!:) but seriously, that just felt so perfect. Haven't done that in awhile. Should do it more often. it's a calming moment. nice. :) i watched and stared at my mom's face as she was sleeping in the van on the way home. She's just so beautiful. I dunno, maybe i just missed my mom without noticing it until kanina. Wala lang. i love my mom so much. SO MUCH.

:)

~o~

sana manalo Ginebra! hihi!:D manunuod ako niyan pag makapasok sa finlas!!!! WOOoooOOOOHHH!!!! GRABE!! MULING IBALIK!!!! GI-NE-BRA! GI-NE-BRA!! GI-NE-BRA!!!!


hmm... and am so excited for Utsie's cookies too. nyuuuummmmmmm.... :)


it's been a good day. :) i guess last night's craziness is just one of em things that just need to happen and just do. Part of one's weakness...and strength. :) YOU ALL ROCK!!!!!! (uuuy,feeling may nagbabasa ng blog ko na ibang tao. hehe!)

peace. peace. peace.


live well everyone.




-blabbing brought to you by dengster.com- at 7:24 PM |

---

ano ba 'to.. mabigat na naman hininga ko. dibdib ko parang gustong sumabog.

paikot-ikot.

tumatakbo.

simisigaw..

wala namang nangyayari.

nakakunot ang nuo.

nakatulala sa hangin.

bakit ba.

shiyet.

tara na kasi..

aaaagh.

bakit ba hindi nga.

craaaaazyy..

i believe that in life everything is sometimes. only a few things always. only a few things can last forever. only a few. very few.

i do.

everything is temporary.

thoughts.

feelings.

people.

relationships.

coz forever is just a pretty long time.

a pretty LONG time.

i believe that the happiest of people have the deepest sorrows.

that's why they're happy.

for whatever reason.

for feeling so much joy.

for covering-up the pain.

for being lucky to have a good outlook.

for being lucky to have a nice smile.

for being tired.

for never having the words.

for learning to let go.

for learning to trust.

for whatever reason.

but seriously.. sometimes, i just believe that the happiest of people have the deepest of sorrows.

so much sorrow.

so much stories to tell.

people who cry and cry out in public, you don't worry about them. you know their pain. you see their pain. you see their story. it's the people who only have smiles are the ones who have so much more to say. so much more vagueness. like there's just some hidden sadness in the corner of every gaze.

perhaps.

or maybe they are just really happy.

i really don't know.

i'm just thinking.


have you ever felt so happy it hurts?

right now..

i feel so happy -

a million of thoughts imploding in my mind -

a whirlwind of feelings swifting through my freakin body -

god..

i feel like i'm on a wave.

and it just keeps on building..

and building...

and building....

and building.....

AND BUILDING......

and i'm just scared it's gonna crash.

soon.

so scared.

dunno.

that's what i'm feeling right now.

gotta stop being so possessive.

you can never really have it all, right?

not always.

maybe not forever.

yeah.

i know.

and when that wave comes crashing...

there will always be another one

building up again.

yeah.

cool.

i know.

i just can't help it.


tao lang.


hay.


sige.

maiwan ko muna 'to.




-blabbing brought to you by dengster.com- at 1:00 AM |

---

.:[ Saturday, June 26, 2004 ]:.

---

~Every culture enriches our lives with its own unique beauty and wisdom.
Yet we all share the same hopes and dreams,
the same need for love and home and kinship.
These are the common threads that bind us together as one family in one world.~



















yeah,including them.


..even him.

..






open yer eyes.










-blabbing brought to you by dengster.com- at 11:47 AM |

---

.:[ Friday, June 25, 2004 ]:.

---

hay.

parang, asar ako.

wala lang.

perhaps i'm just... sleepy.

sige na nga.

____________________________________________________________________________________

another flood of thoughts written way back.. or not so way back..

(2002)

If all boxes were round, would that be a problem?
If one had stripes, would that be a crime?
If a ball wanted corners, would it be popped?
If Santa's little helper wanted to be boss, would he be slapped?
If penguins can fly, would it be expelled from the skies?
If books had no pages, would it run out of wisdom?
If you were gay, would you be happy?
If you were happy, would you be content?
If you were content, would you be like the ball who preferred to have corners?
If the corners preferred to have round edges, would it matter?
If water decided to be ice forever, would it melt?
If all leaves were heavy, would that be sad?
If chairs don't want to be sat on, would you burn it to the grill?
If dogs will to purr, would you be disappointed?
If it pursued black cats, would you be ashamed?
If a clock were still, would time slap its back?
If lions preferred veggies, would you go on attack?
If luck were on a drought, would you stop believing?
If things were so easy, would you perefer to sit back?
If life were to end, now will you relax?

_____________________________________________________________________________________


HATE #16.5. People who say one thing and do another.

HATE #16.6. People who live double lives na wala namang ikabubuti.

DUH.

k. that's been in my outbox for quite some time now.

all righty then.

i shall go back and watch tennis. :)


DANIELA VS. MARIA!!!!

babay goran. :) *cheers!*




-blabbing brought to you by dengster.com- at 11:24 PM |

---

.:[ Tuesday, June 22, 2004 ]:.

---

DIZIZIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE BEST POSE / OUTFIT OF DA CENTURY!!! ahihi! HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MIDOL!!!!!!!!! MAHAL KITA FOREVER AND EVER... EVER. :)


-blabbing brought to you by dengster.com- at 12:20 AM |

---

.:[ Sunday, June 20, 2004 ]:.

---

GRRRAAAAAAAAAAABE!!!!!!!!!!!! i had the BEST sequence of happiness earlier this evening at the Fete de la Musique. :) :) :)

Suuuuuuuuuuuper kadoooooooooper pumped-up excitement and happiness. :) I was with Chely, Aissa, Skipp, Moisles, Maybs, then all of a sudden i saw Apple!!!! by the fountain! i ran to greet her and we hugged, and then sooooper saya!!!!! :) :) :) sunud-sunod na!! Bespren Mia, Liam, Christelle!... and then earlier saw Genie (na birthday pala niya, hindi ko lam the first time we saw each other. hihi! todo yakap pa naman kami nun..).. then saw Mel, Krista.. Soki from a far.. :) :) :) BASTA! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPERRR GIDDY HAPPY!!!! todo adrenaline rush for friends. :) i hugged so many friends i felt so ... (seryoso).. HAPPY. super HAPPY. :) ang saya-saya-saya ko talaga nung sequence na yun. KAKAIBA.

Then.......

Cynthia Alexander. :)

before the rain, and all that hooplah.... Grabe. Da best. :) plays with so much joy and passion. and freedom. and love.. aaah.... COMFORT IN YOUR STRANGENESS. :)

AND THEN!!!!

during the rain, and all that hooplah.... had a Kitchie Nadal / Cynthia Alexander moment. GRRRRRABEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm... wah!.. i'm..... inlove. HUH? hahaha!!! deads. TULALA!!!! TULALANG NAKANGITI LANG. i was todo parang nag-float ako at nawala sa sarili. for Chely and i talked..SPOKE WITH CYNTHIA ALEXANDER. *todo giddy and lag-lag jaw in the inside* naka-smile kami pareho at her then she said "HI!":) ..she was looking for starbucks and asked us for help. GOOD GALLY!!!!!!!! WAAAAAH!!!!!! KAKAIBA TALAGA ANG MGA PANGYAYARI!!!!! parang may moments na nakalutang lang ako sa masayang ulap na kulay yellow at happy pink na may tiny polka dots na happy bright light blue. SOBRA. ..happy.:)

happy.:)

happy. :)

happy. :) :)

HAPPY. :) :) :) :) :) :)

SOBRAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) (wala bang pwedeng BIGGER smile dito?!?!?!)

BASTA! yun. happy. :)


-old friends..samaskomers...highschool..kitchie nadal....cynthia alexander.....-


late 12:30am dinner with Chely at Firefighters (grabe na.) - garlic parmesan buffalo wings with ranch dip, and grilled chicken burger. nice. :) with our number-guessing brainwave connection. :) i think..... we're getting better all the time. :)

ahhh sarap. :)

it was a really GOOD evening. :) as in. :)


COMFORT IN YOUR STRANGENESS

Woke-up this morning I was staring
at the ceiling cracks and road maps and
landscapes and hi-ways

I have seen,
I have been
to places far and deep in my mind
only to find
Comfort in your strangeness....

Of moving shadows
when i call the wind by name
rushing firewater in the dark of a cloud

I have seen, I have been
to places far and deep in my mind
only to find
Comfort in your strangeness....

We are slaves to the crimes we commit
in fits of passion
we shame

WE ARE NOTHING, WE ARE NOTHING
WE ARE NOTHING, WE ARE NOTHING BUT

THE DUST ON YOUR FEET
DYING TO BE BORN AGAIN

Singing ether, water, fire, earth, air...

I HAVE SEEN,
I HAVE BEEN TO PLACES
FAR AND DEEP IN MY MIND
ONLY TO FIND...

COMFORT IN YOUR STRANGENESS. :)



aaaaaah.... goodnight world. GOOD NIGHT, INDEED. :)

_______________________________________________________________________________


masaya mag kodakan lalo pag umuulan at walang ibang magawa









shempre kasali sila. :)


hihi!

FETE DE LA MUSIQUE.






-blabbing brought to you by dengster.com- at 3:36 AM |

---

.:[ Friday, June 18, 2004 ]:.

---

sleepy. june18,2004. friday. doodle. tic-toc. microsoft paint.



JuST Me & The SeCONdS (2002)

I haven't slept, but I feel all right.
Just a little heavy in the eyes
And slow in the mind..
but what's new...
There is no big issue.
Still just a bit used;
I've no smart excuse -- Just me & the seconds, dancing in tune.

Seen the moon rejoice in the twilight
And the sun yelping on its side.
I imagine the grass -
some memories come back
Of running, laughing... a few remedies intact.
Still here, making my way through
on my bed -- Just me & the seconds, being amused.

Cruising on zero.
Speed is bliss.
I close my eyes for a moment...
Notice I exist.
There's smoke on the floor. And stars on the walls.
Hold my arms up. And so high I fall.
The countdown begins - from ten to two...
One comes crashing -- Just me & the seconds, waiting for you.

-blabbing brought to you by dengster.com- at 5:58 PM |

---

.:[ Thursday, June 17, 2004 ]:.

---

WHAT IN THE WORLD WOULD I SING FOR

IF I HAD IT ALL?




-dave











-blabbing brought to you by dengster.com- at 3:44 AM |

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.:[ Wednesday, June 16, 2004 ]:.

---

CHAMPION DETROIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! IN YOUR FACE, L.A.!!!!!!!!!!! LET's GO EAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MULING IBALIK!!!!! MABUHAY ANG EAST!!!!!!!


-blabbing brought to you by dengster.com- at 3:44 PM |

---

kay layong hinaharap...



_______________________________________________________





...aabutin ko.



________________________________________________________





Basta tayo'y magkasama.



...............................................................................


KANTAHIN NATIN!!!! yehezzzzzz.... :D


"Basta tayo'y magkasama... mayroon laging umagang kay ganda!!..."


KAYA NATIN 'TO!!!!!


isigaw mo!


"haharapin natin...

haharapin natin...

...HAHARAPIN NATIN." :)



** good great God-given day to one and all. weeeeeh! **



-blabbing brought to you by dengster.com- at 1:40 AM |

---

.:[ Saturday, June 12, 2004 ]:.

---

Ah so let me just post a few of my birthday pics. the ones that don't need to be reformatted into smaller files. hassle. so..here. :)


me, mom, and bon.


tammy, mom, me, and tracy. si kat pasaway, wala.


aissa, me, and chely!


oh still us... long lost cousins...


hala! sino yan?! ..hihi! si mark da masahista man.


*scene* mag pinsang hindi close, nagkita lang sa reunion after 14 years. "picture naman kayo!"


me and my REAL cousin, 'Abe.' :)


ah jigs and me in our Nth picture together. LAGI KAMING MAY DUO PIC FOREVER!


MIDOL... in only our 3RD PIC EVER!!!!!! :D (naks with the lighting huh! hihi!;p)


......

..

..........and...........

..... .... ... ... ... .. .

........

..



HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) :) :) THE BEST SURPRISE BLOW THE BIRTHDAY "CAKE" MOMENT EVER EVER!!! :) THANKS CHELY.. :) super. *tears* i think.... wala, salamat lang talaga sa lahat. :) promise, BAWAL MAGKALIMUTAN! (pero pano nga talaga mangyayari yun noh? hihi!) love yoU! *cheers!* mmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMWAH!! :) :) :) :) :) Happy BirthdaY!!!! :)

...............
......
...



uuuuUUUUUUUuuUUUUuuuuyyyyYYYYYYYYY,,,, may isa pa!.. :D HAHAHA!!



Little ASia's birthday night dinner... surprise dessert with matching chinese happy birthday song from the waiters. :) bundat night. :) pagkatpos, lahat either tahimik, nahihilo, mainit na ang ulo sa sobrang busog. haha! :D

I LOVE FRIED RICE. :)

___________________________________________________________________________________


THANK YOU LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU!

THANK YOU!

THANK YOU!

THANK...YOU.

Thank You, Lord God... my heart, mind, body and soul cannot express how much.

THANK YOU. :)


I LOVE YOU!

____________________________________________________________________________________

happy morning world!!


happy independence day, my dear nation!!! :) kahit gano ka gulo at puro gago ang nasa gobyerno... hinding hindi kita ipag-papalit. ANg Bayan ko , tanging ikaw...




...PILIPINAS KONG HIRANG!!!



GOOOOOOOOOOOD MOOOOOOOORNIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)





-blabbing brought to you by dengster.com- at 5:21 AM |

---

Alanis' albums.


(not sure if this is the cover.)


hay.. Jagged Little Pill da Best!!!







-blabbing brought to you by dengster.com- at 2:08 AM |

---

.:[ Friday, June 11, 2004 ]:.

---

i'm high but i'm grounded. i'm sane but i'm overwhelmed. I'm lost but i'm hopeful, baby.

i care but i'm restless. i'm here but i'm really gone. I'm wrong and i'm sorry, baby.

and what it all comes down to, is that i haven't got it all figured-out just yet.

...

i'm free but i'm focused. i'm green but i'm wise. I'm hard but i'm friendly, baby.

i'm sad but i'm laughing. i'm brave but i'm chicken shit. I'm sick but i'm pretty, baby!

and what it all boils down to, my dear friends, is that everything is just fine, fine, fine..

...

what's the matter, mary jane? had a hard day?

so place the don't disturb sign on the door.

you lost your place in line again, what a pitty.

you never seem to want to dance anymore.

...

i hear you're counting sheep again, Mary jane.

what's the point of trying to dream anymore?

i hear you're losing weight again, Mary Jane.

D'you ever wonder who you're losing it for?

...

please be honest, Mary Jane, are you happy???

please... don't censor your tears.

...

You're the last great innocent.

That's why I love you.

...

So take this moment Mary jane, and be selfish.

Worry not about the cars that go by.

All that matters, Mary Jane, is your freedom.

So keep warm, my dear. Keep dry.

...

And you ask how my day was. :)

Your love is thick. And it swallowed me whole.

You are the bearer of unconditional things.

Thanks for your patience.

You're the best listener that i've ever met.

You're my best friend. Best friend with benefits.

I've never felt this healthy before.

I've never wanted something rational.

I am aware now. I'd like to thank you.

...

there's nothing like listening to old songs that you just love. makes you listen better, and hear new things. alanis. nako. haven't heard her new cd. will buy soon. kahit nagpagupit na siya at nag bagong buhay na siya and all. i am ... still a fan. and will always be. NAKSSSSSS.... ever. hihi! naalala ko pa nung una ko siyang nakilala (hahaha!), si alanis. binigyan siya ng spot sa grammy's, spots given to unknown freshie artists. tinugtog nila "you oughta know," suot niya black pants, black boots, and a red polo. todo long loose hair that was just everywhere. riot mehn!super hyped performance. sabi ko kagad, nako, sisikat 'to. GALENG!!! so much rawness and emotion. the next day, i bought her tape. perfect. :) ABA! couple of weeks later lumabas na video niya sa mtv, at lahat na hala nagsisulputang fan at ayan, famous na siya. galeng. wala lang, naalala ko lang. :) just felt like listening to jagged little pill again. great songs you'd easily connect to kasi. dama mo kasi dama niya.

oh i'm blabbing. Alanis blagging. huwat?! whatever. yon.

what's up with me lately??? what's wrong with my head?! it's been on this rollercoaster ride -i can't seem to get off!! i've been extatic one moment, then sullen-senti-quiet the next. carefree and yet worried. kilig happy and yet sabay nursing this nagging melancholic shadow. hmm but... i'm okay naman! gah. driving me craz..IER. just a little bit annoying. but.... my head.. my feelings..my mood... twirling again... probably one of 'em senti days lang. yeah. i tink.

so yesterday nakapag lakad na uli ako sa UP acad oval... ang happy. :) walked with chely, wala lang.:) ..sinabi ko na bang hilig kong maglakad-lakad lang sa labas? yung presko ang hangin? wala lang? sarap.:) nature in the middle of a polluted busy city. patch of sterility. and peace. just you and the world. yeah. mahilig lang talaga ako magmunimuni. hehe... mag-comtemplate lang. manuod. ... hi.:)

anyway, watched the dawn of the dead the other night. (thanks skipp!) ayun. t'was a good movie! astig! galeng. not your typical american horror film. this one had no happy endings or solutions, etc,etc.... no "american hero" type that'll save the day before it all ends. nakakairita mga ganung pelikula minsan. mashadong american propaganda. duh. whatever. america's "come on play on my ego, world!" films. annoying. parang "Oo na, malakas na kayo! kayo na hari ng mundo!" ....and so they think. mwahahaha! *evil laugh* ;p DUH. basta, it was a good movie. quick development, not much loop holes, the gore doesn't really bore you to eekiness, and hindi mga sikat yung artista.:)

the other, other day naman Chely and i watched this french film sa greenbelt3, part of the french film fest, "Mademoiselle." Another nice film. UY!!! FIRST NICE MOVIE NATEN!!!! :D ..was more of a french neo-realist film. open ended/ "realistic" ending. funny pero drama. well directed. kaya lang bitin kasi hindi tuloy-tuloy na showing! lalabas tapos panibagong bayad na naman! e film fest nga e! dapat tuloy-tuloy yun na screening tapos libre! or P20? pero P51 din siya e. medyo mahal na din yun kung mag-marathon. so ayun.anyway, let's all wait for them to be shown sa UP. libre pa siguro yon. :)

AAAHh.... today was supposed to be my meeting with ina. it's so hard to rejoice over a bagged project when it keeps getting postponed. gusto kong ma-excite at maging masaya about it, pero laging napupush yung meeting sa pag-ayos ng sked at rates, tuloy it has become a cloud over my head. tsk. sana... sana... SANA. yun.

..

....

and so i pray.

-blabbing brought to you by dengster.com- at 3:31 PM |

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.:[ Wednesday, June 09, 2004 ]:.

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2:30AM

way, way, WAY better now. :)

wooh!

thanks Chely!:) thanks DONSOL. :D


just another glitch. another crashing of thoughts and emotions, all ganging-up on me together with the senti breeze that just circled me through and through.

ay caramba!... left me paralyzed on the floor staring at my ceiling.. staring at the wooden splinters.. the ant crawling on my arm... the electric fan.. the clock.. me talking to myself.. me talking in my head... spaced-out... wide awake.. not blinking.. me kneeling,embracing the chair, swivelling from side to side my head,lulling it to hopeful tranquility... but no.. tulala pa din lang.. may iniisip, walang iniisip... kaba, lungkot, takot, ngalay.. my heartbeat so strong, breathing consciously.. my chest felt like exploding.. felt like crying.. oh i did....


but HELLO. :) i'm back. :) Bring on the bacon! Bring on the dawn!!! HUh?

YON!!!!!

K. :)

now, i can sleep. tomorrow will be a good day. :) ah today na pala yon. boink!




-blabbing brought to you by dengster.com- at 2:34 AM |

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.:[ Tuesday, June 08, 2004 ]:.

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"you don't realize the beauty of your own truth."

wala lang.

bakit ang takaw ko lately??

"better busy than bored." - basa ko kanina sa national.

..i am......

quite spaced-out. :|

parang blank utak ko, pero madami 'kong nararamdaman. gulo.

"adolescent romanticism." - kakasabi lang.watching six feet under.

i have no secrets. just innumerable untold thoughts. does that count? i guess we all have secrets then.

"idealism of youth." - my mom said this to me once when i told her i wanna help save the world and work for free.

i think i need an out of body experience. wala lang. call it freaky. scary. even call it narcissistic. i want to see myself through my own eyes from a different point of view. i think it would be a cool.. learning experience.

"i never thought i'd be in a relationship. i don't think anyone would love me and want to stick around." - sabi ng namatayan ng life-partner sa 6ft under.

"i want us to last. i want us to be together. i just hope it would be worth it." - more 6ft under.

....

i think.... i'm feeling so much right now.. my heart is about to explode.. AAAAAAAAGGGGGGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i have no words. shit. i never have words. is that bad? ..or sad?

"it's easier to admit that we're mad, than to admit that we're sad." - alanis.

i think it's depressing.

sometimes.

right now i need to cry.

yeah..i guess some birthday alone time. i want to walk sa acad oval. i used to do that alot nung college. pag magulo utak ko. pag maingay isip ko. pag maingay mundo.

.... hay.

.......

i love.

...

good night!

Thank you Lord. sorry. pinapagulo ko utak ko... :| :(

.....

i am....

fatalistic and sentimental.


*just breathe...*


aaagh, good night na nga e. kulit.



-blabbing brought to you by dengster.com- at 10:01 PM |

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wow... i feel so recharged. :) had a really good long sleep. i remember some of my dreams too. hay...... i feel so...... calm, and quiet..yet so..... GAHHHH!!!!!!! jumpily happy inside. :) Thank you, Lord! Thank you so. *pause* :) THANK YOU. :)

Hi. :)

I wrote something down last night.. i was SUUUUUUUPER sleepy, and todo lutang na talaga, pero, lam mo yun, nagka- "rush of thoughts before you sleep" moment ako. i got up and got a pad. wrote them down.

Everything's just spinning so fast. I feel like the pin that holds the propeller of a paper pin wheel together. I'm feeling dizzy yet i'm just standing still. Everythin else is going too fast. This is just too much. ...AH too much happiness.:) And a mixture of emotions I can't describe. I can't hold on to even just for a second. Can't grasp it. Spinning and spinning..and spinning. Yet I know in the midst of all this speed - where I stand still -- I am happy. Extatic. And I appreciate so. I feel love everywhere from where I stand still trying so desperately to hold on to my sanity. There is just too much. And I thank YOU. And I ask for strength to be able to just enjoy the view - as I stand still. Being blown away.

ahh can't describe...all i have to say is..THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!! :) can't say it enough. ... :)

My birthday was super.... dreamlike. parang i was awake but asleep. there but sometimes not there. conscious but not so. I guess due to lack of sleep, on the outside i looked a bit tired and acted quite calmly most of the day. But inside, i was just the giddiest trottingly happy person, I think. the hell, it was MY day. wanted to share it with the sick kids at PGH coz... i declare it their day everyday. But,there is still another day to do that. Like, on thursday. :) will buy stuff tom. yipeeeedoooO!! I hope that'll be a good day again. Salamat Lord!

AAAahhh....... woke-up so filled with peace this morning. nadama ko si God ang sarap. :) love ko mga araw after ng bagyo. parang ang tahimik. lahat slow-mo. kita mo lahat. ang linaw. dama mo ang hangin, at ang sayaw ng mga dahon. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah,sarap. :) thank YOu! thaNK YOU! THANK YOU!!!!!

sige, lunch na. hihi! woke-up late. thanks Chely!! ganda naman ng gising ko e. k lang sa wake-up call. :) sige,sige.... THANK YOU LORD!!! SA LAHAT! FOR MY FAMILY, MY FRIENDS... AND FOR ANOTHER DAY TO EXPERIENCE IT ALL OVER AGAIN....... AMEn. :)

:)



-blabbing brought to you by dengster.com- at 12:23 PM |

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.:[ Saturday, June 05, 2004 ]:.

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eto tungkol sa nanay...


3AM

she says its cold outside and she hands me my raincoat
shes always worried about things like that
she says its all gonna end and it might as well be my fault
and she only sleeps when its raining
and she screams and her voice is straining

she says baby
its 3 am I must be lonely
when she says baby
well I cant help but be scared of it all sometimes
says the rains gonna wash away, I believe it

shes got a little bit of something, God its better than nothing
and in her color portrait world she believes that shes got it all
she swears the moon dont hang quite as high as it used to
and she only sleeps when its raining
and she screams and her voice is straining

she believes that life is made up of all that youre used to
and the clock on the wall has been stuck at three for days, and days
she thinks that happiness is a mat that sits on her doorway
but outside its stopped raining


eto tungkol sa tatay....


4AM

I walked around my good intentions
And found that there were none
I blame my father for the wasted years
We hardly talked
I never thought I would forget this hate
Then a phone call made me realize
I'm wrong

If I don't make it known that
I've loved you all along
Just like sunny days that
We ignore because
We're all dumb and jaded
And I hope to God I figure out
What's wrong

I walked around my room
Not thinking
Just sinkning in this box
I blame myself for being too much
like somebody else
I never thought I would just
Bend this way

___________________________________________________________________________

wala lang. :) 3AM..4AM.... pareho about parents.

both songs i like. lyrics... message.....


-when someone speaks, try and listen. y'might hear something you need to hear.-


kumakanta kasi utak ko pag gising ko this morning! una, "i've been talking in my sleep" - Unwell.... tapos naisip ko yung 3am na song.. i think it's a matchbox20 morning huh... gusto ko kasi yung piano rendition nun eh. nakakaiyak. dedicated niya yun sa mom niya e. mommy rob. ...and then, bigla kong nakapa sa gitara yung 4AM out of the blue, e iba naman yung gusto kong tugtugin. hmm..... what is the world telling me??? hihi! pareho about parents. parehong melancholic.. masaya naman ako!!!.. ah... K... 4am. nice song.. nice. nice. hindi sumikat. yey.:) and eto na yung song na talagang nastuck na sa ulo ko. paulit-ulit.... let's go mp3!!!! haha! one more time!!!!!


And if I don't make it known that
I've loved you all along
Just like sunny days that
We ignore because
We're all dumb and jaded
And I hope to God I figure out
What's wrong.


there you go. :)

happy rainy cool morning. :)

mamaya isports day! :D

________________________________________________________________________________

JUNE 4.... kahapon..

happy birthday angelina jolie!! :)

happy eating celebration with chely. :) :) CONGRATS TO US!!!!!!!! 4 DAYS!!!!!!!! WOOOhoOOOOOOO!!!!!!! crazy diet. hihi! :D galeng though. toast to Fergie! :)

bread talk...gulaman....popcorn...and the happiest eating finale --- JT's MANUKAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DA BEST!!!!!!!! :) cocomambo dinner!! huh? YON!!!! :D

Harry Pottuh...grabe payat ni Hermione. pero gumagandaaaaa! yiheeeee!! hihihi! kyut ni ron. laging gusot yung mukha. :D ayan.. another weird-geeky looking boy. :)

met ais too! and her fffriends...looking for shooooes.. happy high heels day, ais!!!! :D

ah..dumudura yung katabing lolo ni chel. HAHAHA!!!! :D :D :D time travel lolo.

...AT! .....the mistaken identity incident with the blue frizzy haired lady!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! ..HALA! sino...ha? ako ba yun?? ANONG NANGYAYARIIIIIII?!?!??!?!!!!!!!!!! ...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D Hi, chely. :) ...SHE HAS FRIZZY HAIR DARNIT!!!!! hihi!!:D

K. was a happy day. :)

______________________________________________________________________________________


chely.. it's raining..... do something!!! NOW!

:D





-blabbing brought to you by dengster.com- at 10:11 AM |

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